by Barbara Rimkunas
This "Historically Speaking" column was published in the Exeter News-Letter on Friday, October 22, 2021.
Not all graves are sad. Not all deaths are tragic. Wandering through a cemetery can tell one a great deal about a community. Gravestones are mini-biographies of the people laid to rest – births, deaths, relationships, affiliations, and military service appear in inscriptions and artwork. To the modern eye, the gravestones of previous generations, particularly those in New England, can seem very harsh. It helps to have an understanding of the people and their practices.
The Puritans who arrived in Exeter in the 1630s viewed earthly life as temporary. Death was a doorway into the infinite where one was either an elect member granted salvation or, more often than not, damned to the horrors of hell. There was no way to know which fate awaited as it was all preordained at the dawn of time. If that seems like the type of reality that would leave most of us curled up in a fetal ball on the bathroom floor, it might be surprising to know that people were able to live their lives without constant despair. They loved, they found beauty, they cared for one another. Death was more present than it is now. Women died in childbirth more often than today. Parents usually lost several children during infancy. To live a long life was rare. The earliest Englishmen who came here were too preoccupied with survival to spend much time on funeral practices. The dead were buried on their own land with, perhaps, fieldstone or wooden markers. This is why our earliest graves in Exeter have unknown locations.
The oldest marked grave in town is that of Mary Thing, who died in 1691. She’s buried in a small graveyard on Green Street along with other members of the family. Her gravestone features an image known to scholars as the ‘winged death’s head,” which James Deetz described as a “graphic reminder of death and resurrection.” We tend to view the image of a skull as somehow evil, but remember these were people used to butchering their own food and boiling pig’s heads for food. Skulls were nothing unusual. They were simply the structural underwear of living things. Bones were the last part of us to decompose. What better reminder of our mortality? Stripped of our flashy flesh, we all look pretty much the same.
There has been much scholarly attention paid to the iconography of early New England gravestones. As Puritan orthodoxy began to wane in the mid-1700s, the skull softened and evolved into a cherub face. The wings remained as a reminder of redemption although their form differed from artist to artist. Glenn Knoblock noted the stones he believes carved by Jeremiah Lane of Hampton Falls had wings that were “remarkably bat-like in appearance.” Gravestone cutters in the area usually had other occupations to ensure a steady income. Styles were copied from larger cities, such as Boston. By the early 1800s, the death and resurrection motifs of flying death’s heads and flying cherubs had given way to a gentler image of an urn and willow tree. All three styles can be found in Exeter cemeteries.
Inscriptions vary widely, but usually include the deceased’s name and age. Women are generally remembered by their married name and in relation to a man – either husband or father. If married, she might be listed as “wife,” or more specifically as a “consort” if her husband is still living, or “relict” if she’s a widow. The date of death is usually, but not always, included as is the age of the deceased. The Latin phrase aetatis suae is used for ‘the age of,’ although it is frequently abbreviated to ‘ae.’
One notable feature of New England cemeteries is the directional orientation. Most of the stones are westward facing. There are numerous theories about this, but it is important to note that the deceased was buried facing east with a smaller footstone placed at the feet. The body, therefore, was behind rather than in front of the headstone. Be respectful where you tread.
Be respectful in general when viewing old graveyards. They are fragile by nature due to inevitable decay. Just because an old graveyard looks untidy doesn’t necessarily mean it is uncared for. Do your own part by not disturbing the stones. Do not attempt to scrape or clean stones without permission from the town. It might cause further damage. Decades ago, it was common to make gravestone rubbings to record the inscriptions. With improved cameras, it’s best to take pictures. You’ll want to photograph with the sun overhead or behind you to get the best view. Sometimes, an overcast or damp day can bring out better views of the inscriptions. But however you might want to record the stone, remember these are markers for actual people. They should not be copied for use as decorations. They are not entertainment. Make your own silly stones for the lawn with names like “Colin Sick” or “Noah Scape.” Let the actual dead to rest in peace.
Barbara Rimkunas is curator of the Exeter Historical Society. Support the Exeter Historical Society by becoming a member! Join online at: www.exeterhistory.org.
Image: Gravestone of Mary Thing, 1691, featuring a “winged death’s head” motif common in early colonial New England.